The acting consul-general of India in New York, was arrested in front of her daughters’ school, handcuffed, stripped, cavity-searched and held with hardened criminals in the oldest democracy whose top leaders never get tired of proclaiming that their relationship with India is the most defining relationship of the 21st century. These two images don’t add up.

The treatment meted out to the Indian acting CG doesn’t behove the oldest democracy. Aren’t civilised democracies expected to behave in a more mature, sensitive and nuanced manner? To put it mildly, the manner of arresting, handcuffing and detaining the Indian diplomat was uncouth, uncivilised and appallingly undiplomatic; it was worthy of an ordinary cop!

What surprises the most? It was approved by the state department!

If this is the manner in which the state department wishes to treat diplomats of a so-called “strategic partner”, that partnership is nothing more than a meaningless charade.

The US should learn to attach values to their words or none will believe their words. They just have no defence; they were wrong both in labelling charges of human trafficking and arresting; it shouldn’t be such a big deal to say sorry. To err is human.

Even if the accusations against Ms Khobragade of violation of the US minimum wages law and furnishing of false information in the visa application were true (this is yet to be established in the court ) did these violations constitute such a grave danger to US interests that she should have been treated the way she was? She isn’t an Al Qaeda operative nor was she fleeing the US; why weren’t the diplomatic channels allowed to resolve this case?

To convert a simple wage dispute into criminal human trafficking and letting it degenerate into an ugly and undesirable public spat raises serious doubts about the real intent of the US state department. Apparently, district attorney Preet Bharara has his own agenda to use this case as another feather in his cap for fulfilling his political ambitions. Sangeeta went to the US as a maid fully aware of how much she will be paid with a meticulously worked out plan to stay on there.

The US embassy in Delhi facilitated her husband’s and daughter’s “evacuation”; media reports claim they purchased their air tickets. Why? To strengthen the strategic partnership?

When diplomats of friendly countries were caught trying to smuggle in banned items, Indian authorities didn’t arrest or handcuff them nor did they go public; their missions were quietly advised to transfer them out of India which they did. If the US felt strongly that the conduct of Ms Khobragade was unbecoming of a foreign diplomat, they could have discreetly advised the Indian government to withdraw her from the US. It’s that simple.

If the state department had conveyed to the Indian embassy in Washington in September its “serious concern” about charges against Ms Khobragade and hinted at imminent action, why didn’t the MEA shift her to PMI New York? Had the embassy and the MEA acted swiftly, this humiliating episode could have been avoided.

There will be unending arguments about consular immunity and whether the diplomat had violated US laws.

Evidently, Ms Khobragade’s case can be resolved only by a political decision by the US which will depend on America’s overall assessment of the significance of its relations with India. With lengthening shadows of an assertive and aggressive China, where does India fit in the US pivot or rebalance in Asia? How useful is India for a safe and smooth exit of US troops from Afghanistan and its political stability thereafter? Does India have a role in the nascent thaw between the US and Iran? How does India impact the deliberations and decisions of groupings and organisations like G-20, the UN and WTO? What about the discourse on global warming and climate change? A host of issues of huge importance impinges on the multi-dimensional, multi-layered, burgeoning relationship between India and the US. What about bilateral trade and investment, especially the galloping defence trade?

It will be naive to suggest that the leadership in the two countries aren’t aware of these factors. It is beyond imagination that such a relationship can be allowed to be derailed on the correct issue.

Give quiet diplomacy a chance. Diplomacy is not dadagiri; it’s delicate handling of sensitive issues with diplomatic finesse, never losing sight of the broader picture that serves national interests. India and the US should have a candid discussion to find a “cool” solution to the current “hot” impasse away from the media gaze. Legal wrangling won’t take them very far.

Morarji Desai couldn’t win his libel case against Seymour Hersh, what chance does Devyani Khobragade stand? Adil Shahiriyar, son of late Mohammed Yunus, languishing in a US prison on drug-trafficking charges, was pardoned by Reagan and put on board the Indian PM’s plane. If there is will, they can find a way.

Dozens of Indian domestic assistants accompanying Indian diplomats go missing in the US every year. The US authorities must be kidding if they say they aren’t aware of this.

A bilateral agreement about domestic assistants could be a practical way forward.

The author is a former ambassador